The Most Basic of All Human Needs

 ”Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;

courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”

— Winston Churchill

This is the Chinese symbol for “To Listen”.   It is wonderful in how it pulls together several elements required to fully listen to another person.   When one of the elements is not present, true listening is incomplete.   It is intuitive.  We know this.  Yet, we forget and fail to listen every day of our lives.

For leadership to thrive we need to both listen and encourage others to listen.  It is why I refer to dialogue often in my writing.  I list the elements below that make up the Chinese symbol for “To Listen“.  Something for us to ponder for our success as leaders.   I question if anything is more important.  

Heart = Empathy 

Leaders need empathy.   I do not know how a leader with little empathy can sustain success.  Empathy is the means to reach out and touch the heart of the person we are listening to and shorten the distance between us. 

Undivided Attention = Quiet the mind’s noise 

Be present.  There is no past or future.  Here and now, you are my focus.   I am listening to you and not waiting to speak myself. 

Ear = You have two of them

Focus on hearing the speaker.  There is voice and inflection and the tone of the voice.  It changes as we speak.   Do I hear the full message?   We can pick up so much information as we hear someone speak to us.

Eyes = Window to the soul

Our eyes are amazing.  We see so much, but focus on so little.  Maybe with enough focus we can get a glimpse into the soul of  the person we are listening to and for once understand.   

 ”The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”

— Ralph Nichols

Effective Communication: Step into the Circle

I attended a meeting recently and saw something different as I entered the room.  Instead of the typical long rectangular conference table there were just chairs arranged in rough circles, one within the other (see illustration below).  Immediately I knew this meeting was starting well.  As leaders we can not dismiss the importance of room layout for group discussions (a.k.a. the dreaded business meeting).  I learned this lesson from my days as a corporate trainer: step into the circle to maximize your communication.

What I mean by “step into the circle” is the deliberate process to step forward as a means to get both physically and psychologically closer to your audience.  This act can aid your message and help you to engage the audience.  This is not just for a presentation with you as the main speaker.  This communication approach is great for regular meetings that may include different speakers.  The room set up allows for this movement and approach to communication.   By stepping into the circle you are announcing that “I have the floor. Listen to what I have to say.”

Why is this communication approach effective?  It starts with visibility.  all eyes and ears are focused on the center of the room and guess what, you are it.  There is room to move within the central area and you should use it to your advantage. Walk and get closer to folks as you speak and they speak.  Work to channel the conversation to others by moving across the floor to the other side.

Here are some other advantages of this communication approach:

  • Control the energy of the conversation.  By standing in this middle ground you remain the central entry and can, by movement, engage different parts of the room.
  • Establish a level of equality. There is a level of equality with these circular room seating arrangements.  Think of the Knights of the Round Table.  Think of so many native people who typically talk in a circle.  All have a voice and can join the conversation.  As the leader, you start in the center and can invite others to take the space to speak as well.
  • Establish deeper discussions and even dialogue.  Your intention may be to reach a specific decision in your meeting or it may be to assure your message is heard as the leader.  Your intention may instead be to gather a group to talk about an issue and see where the discussion takes you.  This can be a full dialogue with a suspension of outcome and working together to discover.  The circle is nearly a requirement for this level of communication.
  • Enhance your presence.  All of us have “presence” of different sorts.  As leaders we need to work out our best expression of our own unique presence.  This presence serves us during these discussions in business meetings or other gatherings.  With a meeting circle you have a platform to show and use your presence.  In general this is enhanced by standing and moving vs. the traditional seated behind a table.  This circle room arrangement requires the speaker (leader) to stand and move.

Years ago I was conducting a presentation skills class.  In those days we typically set up a U Shape table and chair arrangement for our meetings.  Each of the students I taught never broke the apparent force-field that was at the entry of the front of the U Shape table setup.  I worked to convince them that their message and interaction with the audience would be enhanced if they broke the seal and stepped “into the U”.  As folks tried it as we ran practice presentations, they commented afterwards that they felt the difference.  They connected more; they showed off their own unique presence; they controlled the room energy and most importantly, they were heard.

I have mentioned it before that humanity has forgotten more than it has learned.  Add stepping into the circle as something forgotten by modern society.  Native Peoples know this power and many of our teachers today understand it too.  Pull people or students into a circle and let the communication flow.   If you work in a business environment even a highly corporate environment, I bet you can find opportunities to get the right room and forget the tables.  Arrange the chairs into the circles and when ready … step into the center and be the leader.

We keep moving folks, moving together. 

Squirrel Moments and Leadership Communication

Today I will defend the squirrel.  Thanks to the movie “UP” we have a new term to describe those moments when we get distracted and off topic.  In the movie, thanks to a device around the neck, dogs can talk.  One of the main characters, Dug the Dog, talks in simple terms as we would expect a dog to speak.  Anyhow Dug is often distracted when he thinks he spots a squirrel.  “SQUIRREL!”  Dug then has to find his way back on track to what he was originally saying or doing.  Yea, good luck with that.

We need to admit to ourselves that we as human beings can and do have our own “squirrel moments” throughout our day.  While we are not actually looking for a squirrel, our mind is shouting out to us and wants our attention.

For us as leaders, let’s explore the squirrel moment and work out when it is an issue and when squirrel moments are a good thing.  To start, I divide squirrel moments into two categories: (1) Personal and (2) Public.

We all have personal squirrel moments when we drift off our task at hand.  Typically this is when we think of something else and follow the thought.  Another squirrel moment example is the email notification box and ding we get on our computer at work with each new email received.  I swear that if someone filmed me I would have a similar expression as Dug turning my head to look at the new email notification.  The solution for these personal squirrel moments is recognition – know what is happening and decide on how best to react.  For the random thoughts carry a notebook to jot a note and move back onto task.  It is a brave thing to turn off the email notifications at work – but time management experts recommend it.  You then regain control and open your email on your schedule.  I plan to try this myself this upcoming week.  Our minds race all day; call out your personal squirrel moments and gain control.

As for public squirrel moments I consider myself an expert. Often in staff meetings I can go so-called off topic.  With my direct staff this is often in our more general update meetings and I consider some squirrel moments as a positive.  These can lead to expanded conversations on topics that, while at first do not seem important, lead to positive outcomes.  The hunt for the squirrel though can sometimes go deep into the woods and at these points I am glad to hear someone call out “Squirrel” to aid our focus to get back on path.  For any leader it is important to build that trust to allow your staff to call out “Squirrel”.

These public squirrel moments though are important to aid our communication.  Through these moments we share more of ourselves, demonstrate a safe environment for others to share and at times the distraction leads to something very important to discuss.

While I started this post comparing the behavior or people to that of a dog obsessed with squirrels, we are indeed humans with an ability to communicate at a high level.  In future posts I will explore powerful communication approaches for us as leaders.   There are times when we need to resolve a specific issue with our team or others in our organization.  The strong and effective leader knows how to facilitate these discussions and use the toolbox of “skillful discussion” and even “dialogue” to move us forward to reach solid decisions or powerful new realities.

Another favorite Dug quote for me is, “My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.”   Hum, a post for a different day.  Have a good day and look our for squirrels, real or imagined.

Mark of a Good Meeting

Deutsch: Buntstifte, Farbstifte العربية: أقلام...
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I look down at my hand and see several colors; the remains of a great meeting with my fellow leaders at work. We gathered to discuss our leadership approach to our challenging work environment.

We brainstormed. We made a list of focus points for us as leaders. I was proud of the group.

We focused on our staff. We talked about how to be more for our employees while we continue to meet our goals. We are good at what we do. We have to be better during challenging times.

As I lead the meeting I enjoy moving around the room with flip chart markers in hand. I hold three color markers and through the process of writing on the flip chart and working to alternate colors, I mark my hand.

When the meeting was complete and I was left alone to clean up, I looked down at my hand and saw the colors. I smiled. We had a good meeting and I enjoyed my role as facilitator. I will write in future posts on the power of skillful discussion and dialogue for group communication – such important tools for us as leaders.

For today though a simple observation …

Colors on my hand
A reminder of a productive meeting